Messing Around as Friends
Yesterday I was asked by an ex-boyfriend if I would like to “mess around just as friends”. I actually considered it. My initial reaction (and the one I eventually stuck with) was “of course not! Friends don’t have sex with each other”. But I actually considered it. And honestly, am still considering it. If I look at sex as a basic part of being human, an urge that draws you closer to another human and builds connection, then what’s the harm? But….but….I don’t know.
I want sex to mean more. I don’t want to build a connection with someone with whom I am not building other connections. But man, I want to. I’m not going to lie. The idea of a “no strings attached” sexual relationship sounds awesome.
But then I start thinking about what I want long term. I want to raise babies with a husband who adores me and whom I adore. I want to adventure as a family. I want to f*ck without thought to what will happen afterward. I want pillow talk and morning coffee. I want total honesty, even when it is painful.
How do I seek that person, go on dates, meet new people, while I’m having casual sex with someone else? How would that conversation go?
“So, I’m actually family oriented, and no, because I can see a future with you, I’m going to save sex for a future date when we’re more committed, but in the meantime I’m f*cking someone else because ‘mamma’s got needs’. But honestly, I’d prefer it if you don’t do the same. I don’t want to date someone and actually build toward a real relationship with someone who regularly sees another woman naked.”
Nope. I don’t want to have that conversation. And I don’t think that lifestyle builds the monogamy muscles that I want to build.
Say what you want about the dangers or immoralities of masturbation. It’s better than that.